3 ways to role model leadership when the going gets tough
As the curious and interested among us await the outcomes this week of Sue Gray’s investigation into potential covid rule breaking, along with new information about a Met Police investigation too, now might be a good time for leaders to reflect.
What lessons can we all take away from this slowly unravelling nightmare?
How are we showing up as role models to those who follow our instructions, or look to us as their example?
Being a leader is tough, especially so when navigating unprecedented times. So what tools do we have in our kit-bag to help us show up and do the best job we can when the seas start to get choppy?
Accountability
This is a two sided coin of incredibly easy and really bloody difficult at the same time. Making decisions about what is best, especially when there is limited information or a need to balance fairness, is one of leadership's biggest challenges. But being clear about why you’re doing it (at least with yourself) , and owning those decisions is simple.
When the outcomes don’t go in your favour, like deciding to hold a birthday party that is in contravention of national laws and then being found out, it can be tempting to try and find excuses or ways to shift any shame you’re feeling. It’s natural and human to want to avoid these feelings. But strong leaders will own this shame, in the same way they will own the successes of their better decisions.
Sometimes, a bad call is a bad call. Sometimes, the consequences of these decisions will have great personal cost. Good leaders will have tried to consider the costs and consequences ahead of time, and for the majority, taking accountability for your actions will, no matter how uncomfortable, help you find your path back to the right track.
A good apology
When embracing accountability one the most powerful support tools we all have is knowing how to apologise. Properly. When we know we have done wrong, or could have done better, addressing it swiftly, sincerely and then moving on can be critical to getting back on track.
What makes a good apology?
Depending on what it is you need to apologise for, will depend on how you may want to approach it. These are my 5 steps that, in my experience, will always set you up on the right footing to say you’re sorry and make amends.
Acknowledge the offence
Accept responsibility
Express genuine regret
Offer reparations
Learn and move on
AND let’s remember that a proper apology is a beginning not an end. It is the start of doing better.
If you feel you cannot offer a genuine apology in the moment, there is no shame in acknowledging that and asking for time to reflect on your feelings. If you are emotional, angry or bewildered you will only be centering your own feelings and not those of the person or people you are apologising to. Take a time out. Think. Are you preparing an apology or an excuse?
⏸️ PAUSE for some learning
What’s the difference between an apology and an excuse:
👉 Apology = a regretful acknowledgement of an offence or failure
👉 Excuse = seek to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault, offence or failure); try to justify
▶️ Let’s continue
Get right back on your horse
When we feel bad about something it can become easy for us to dwell on our own experience of what happened. Again - we are only human! But here’s the thing about leadership. You will not always please everyone. You will absolutely get things wrong. Resilience, learning and stepping back up is what your people need of you.
You owned your decisions and your actions.
You apologised when you knew it was owed.
You have to make peace with what happened and get back to better decisions. Back to the responsibilities of your job and to the people you serve. Yes - serve! People may work FOR you, but as a leader you work FOR them too. Employees, superiors, shareholders, contractors, volunteers; leadership is about everyone.
And honestly, if what you did was a truly catastrophic cluster-muck. If you made choices so bad that no-one can move on from it, and you yourself cannot find a way to maintain trust and confidence as a leader. If you honestly cannot step back up to the plate.
Then, my friend, step back. Step away. Quit.
Take your time to figure it out and get yourself some help.
If the responsibility of it all was in fact too big for you, there is learning in there too. We’re right back at accountability and you have got to be honest with yourself (and those that depend on you).
What do you think?
What’s in your kit-bag that has been valuable to you?