Authentic Evolution

How conversations and connections shape how we choose to show up.

I’ve been fortunate over the past few weeks to have had some truly inspiring conversations, both personally and at work. My first observation was how amazing the network that surrounds me is, and how dialled in to development and open conversations everyone is, freely sharing thoughts and experiences for the betterment of others. My second observation was the frequent use of the word authenticity. This got me thinking about what authenticity really means and if it was something I was bringing to the table too. So, I started where all good “what does it mean?” thoughts do… the dictionary.  

noun: authenticity [ aw-then-tis-i-tee ]

Authenticity is subjective

Like all wannabe serious and studious types, I started with the Cambridge English Dictionary which gave the definition “the quality of being real or true”, but the examples were all tangible and referred to documents and artwork. So my next stop was good old dictionary.com, but sadly I found the same.  

Hmmm...

Although I felt reluctant to measure myself as a document or painting, I acknowledged that authenticity in business is considered more widely than these narrow definitions. Inspired by the wonderful conversations I had shared, I opted to include other interpretations such as genuineness, trust, compassion, vulnerability, curiosity and credibility in the mix too. 

So, am I authentic?

I cast my mind back and started to dig into previous roles to examine my behaviours for authenticity. Again, I immediately hit upon a challenge. Which version of myself am I measuring against? Like most human people I’m not one dimensional, there’s me at home, me at work, me with my friends and me when I’m alone. And all of these can vary depending on good and bad days. So I flipped the question and asked myself if I could recall any times I felt inauthentic. Of course I could.

I realised there had been many times I had expended my efforts to fit in with what I thought others wanted from me. I also realised that doing this was exhausting and I felt like a fraud. A great example of this is, when working in a male dominated industry, I went out of my way to downplay my femininity, and I consciously chose to dress as similarly to the men as I could, and I never wore nail polish for fear of being judged. I blended myself in as best I could. I was afraid of being seen for who I was. But why? I was good at my job, I had great ideas, and I certainly didn’t enjoy hiding behind polo shirts and Timberland boots. Sadly, I had direct experience of being treated differently as a result of my gender, but instead of embracing it and using it as my superpower, I tried to hide it. I was not authentic.  

However, this wasn’t reflective of my whole experience in the ten years I spent in that industry. At some point my confidence shifted and I felt credible enough to bring more of myself to the workplace. I learned that it was ok to allow others to “see” me, because it allowed them to step into my space and we could both learn and grow.  

As I stepped up into leadership positions, I also found that showing vulnerability was actually a strength of mine too. Unfortunately, leaders have to balance on the tightrope of vulnerability and credibility. It’s great to have an environment of psychological safety, where leaders can share their vulnerabilities to connect with employees and strengthen relationships and trust. But sharing too much or being overly transparent can undermine an employees’ confidence in your ability to lead. It seems to me that getting this right takes a willingness to step up and try, and if it doesn't work out, the confidence to try again.  

The fact is, none of us are perfect and we don’t have all the right answers, all of the time. Pretending otherwise is simply a one-way ticket to zero trust. But learning where that boundary lies between being honest and being seen as incompetent is the real authentic masterpiece! 

So, we’re humans, we evolve. The act of trying new things must mean that our authenticity evolves along with us. As we transform ourselves with new experiences, how do we make sure we bring our authentic selves with us, stepping into new spaces, and not getting stuck in a rigid “must stay true to ourselves” past? 

Authenticity is not something we have or don't have. It's a practice - a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen. - Brene Brown

Where to go from here?

Well that is a personal question, so you’ll have to make your own reflections. For me, in this present moment, it means stopping to examine what my current values are, and asking if these have changed, and why.

It means being conscious of my credibility. Bringing enough vulnerability to engage with others around me and be genuine, but not not disclosing every thought and feeling and undermining my credibility.

It means experimenting. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into spaces where I can learn and grow, knowing I may get it wrong and being prepared for that.

It means accepting feedback. Listening to others and accepting their guidance with positive intent, and not as a threat to my personality or identity. Especially if I’ve been experimenting and need to learn how it’s working!

For me, I choose to show up and be real the best way I know how, with the knowledge, experiences and self-awareness I have today. But as I found from my amazing conversations this week, I am also inspired by those around me, and I see so many people in my network as energising and diverse role models. It is my intention to learn from them all, and to use their insight to shape my own process.  

So by definition, a truly authentic document cannot be a copy, but as a human I am not bound by this strict definition and have the power to grow and learn from others. I therefore acknowledge that it’s mostly other people that have made me who I am today, and will continue to do so for my future no doubt. I credit them all for their hand in my own authenticity and I only hope I can continue to pay it forward for others too.