Why we should focus on Impact, not Intention
Intent or Impact: What is the difference? Why should we care?
This is a topic that comes up a lot, and it’s one of the fundamentals to get our heads around on our journey of allyship.
Firstly, intention shows up in thoughts and behaviours in two ways:
Intentional and Unintentional.
Intentional is when we mean to say or do something, but we don’t realise that by doing so we will cause offence. Like asking the only woman in a meeting to take the notes, when this isn’t her job. We mean to ask her, but we don’t realise that she may feel we did so because of her gender.
Unintentional is when you don’t even realise that you’ve said or done something, such as failing to give the same standard of constructive feedback to the Black woman on our team that we do for the white men.
And how does our intention show up?
Often, when we make mistakes one of the first things that comes out of our mouths is our intention.
“It wasn’t my intention to…”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to…”
“I know them, they would never have intended to…”
Put simply, Intention = Our agenda.
You see, stating our intention is all about defence. It’s how we begin to explain to someone that what they’re feeling is actually wrong. It usually tends to lead onto all the ways in which we will demonstrate to them why we are right; or, even if we are wrong, why they shouldn’t be taking offence because we didn’t mean for them to be offended.
The problem here is that intention is only half of the encounter. It’s the half that places the value on the person who did or said something that offended.
The other side to this is the impact that offence had on the receiver. It’s the part that has absolutely nothing to do with intentions, good or bad. It exists all on its own. And impact is something that can be felt by one or many people.
Put simply, Impact = The receivers experience.
Why should we place more value on the impact over the intent?
Because the impact is where the harm is done.
Let’s think about it in terms of a physical impact. If a person is struck by a car and the physical impact causes a broken arm, then that is the outcome of that impact. No-one is going to start questioning the arm to understand exactly how broken it is, or if there are other underlying causes to the break that need exploring. We simply accept that an event happen and the impact is real.
And, even though the driver will likely not have had any intention at all to strike the person, the impact still exists and the outcome remains the same. No amount of understanding can lessen the harm that person was caused in that moment.
Yes, the break will heal over time.
Yes, the person injured may choose to forgive the driver, either straight away or in time.
Yes, the driver will definitely feel bad about what happened.
All of these things are true. But, in that moment, the arm is still broken as a result of what happened.
Obviously emotional and mental harm is more difficult to quantify, but this is where belief must outweigh defence. When a person tells us there has been an impact we must believe them, regardless of our intention. We must stop and listen to what they have to say and take time to think about what this teaches us when we consider our intentions.
However, we don’t always need to do our reflecting and learning in the presence of the injured person. Unless of course they expressly wish to have that conversation with us — in which case share as you see fit. Quiet personal reflection can be a great space for growth, as is talking it through with someone who is not the impacted party (and is also someone who we can trust not to simply collude with our defensiveness, and give us space to explore the learning and discomfort).
And this, my wonderful aspiring allies, is also my issue with the statement “assume positive intent”. Because it automatically places comfort on the intention side of a situation, and makes it too easy to discount the impact that something may have on a person or people. It also makes it more challenging to have a conversation that will lead to personal growth, and the expansion of our frames of reference for our intent too.
So sure, you don’t have to assume that everyone is out to get you, because of course they aren’t. But we also shouldn’t assume that being accountable isn’t a necessary part of being a human too. Because it is. Yes! Being held accountable can be incredibly uncomfortable. But so is living in a world where the impact of the actions of others is routinely minimised to maintain the comfort of dominant groups.
Again, think about it like a physical impact — there is only so many times you can be struck by a car before the damage becomes irreparable. The same is true for other behaviours and actions, especially when they are experienced by someone who is routinely on the receiving end.
So the next time you find yourself beginning to state what your intentions were when you’ve made a mistake or you’re receiving feedback, please take a moment to pause, listen and reflect. Your future self, and those around you, will be grateful you did.