What is Asexuality?
Asexuality is…
…an umbrella term for people in the LGBTQIA+ community who experience little or no sexual attraction or desire for other people, regardless of gender.
As well as referring to being who identify as asexual (or Ace) the term also includes people who identity as Grey-sexual (who identify somewhere between sexual and asexual) and Demi-sexual (people who only experience a sexual attraction once they have formed a strong emotional connection with another person).
Asexuality is a new term for a lot of people, even though asexual people have always existed it. And even I was surprised to learn of its origination (as a word) in 1897 by German sexual reformist Emma Trosse. Since then, it has become a term that is widely used, and will continue increasingly to be so (hooray for me!).
Fast forward to 2010 and the first Asexual Awareness week was launched in the US to celebrate and acknowledge the awesomeness that is Ace people. It’s always the last full week of October, and this year it will fall on October 22nd to 28th. It’s also gaining momentum here in the UK now too.
Then 10 years later in 2020 the first International Asexuality Day was launched on April 6th as a way to recognise the global community of asexual people, who are often overlooked and under-represented, especially if they don’t fit the Anglocentric/Eurocentric assumptions placed on most Aces.
PAUSE FOR THOUGHT…
Want to include more Ace representative content in your workplace, but don’t know who to ask?
Well look no further. You have your very own pan-romantic asexual person on weekly speed dial right here! (that’s me)
…Wait, what?
I’m not what you were expecting?
Sit with that for a bit.
What asexuality isn’t…
A lifestyle choice
Asexuality is not the same as celibacy. It is a sexual orientation and not a choice, just like being gay, lesbian, bisexual etc.
A problem
Being asexual doesn’t mean that a person is broken, or there is something wrong with them. They do not need medication to be able to “feel” more, and they are whole and complete exactly as they are.
An illness
Again, there is nothing wrong with being Ace. Their body, just like their mind, is well and healthy, exactly as it is.
Anti-sex
Just because Aces experience little or no sexual desire, it doesn’t mean they hate sex. Or that they don’t have sex or masturbate. It doesn’t mean they will only wear hoodies and sweatpants to avoid looking nice (model Yasmin Beniot is a fantastic Ace activist to demonstrate this).
They are a human person. They still have emotional and physical feelings. They just don’t experience sexual attraction.
What the media would have us believe
It can be all too easy to stereotype Aces as grumpy goth teenagers, because that would fit an easy to understand narrative of people who aren’t interested in sex (I refer to my points above - and totally unfair to grumpy goth teens too!).
We can see this when we look to film and TV characters that have been explicitly or implicitly Asexual, such as:
Spock from Star Trek
Data from Star Trek
Sherlock Holmes
Dr Who
Raphael Santiago from Shadowhunters (a vampire)
The suspected killer in a random BBC series I can’t remember the name of (their asexuality was apparently part of what made them weird!)
You get my point. With the exception of Sherlock Holmes, there is something distinctly inhuman about each of these characters, a distance between the species of us (the viewer) and them. Even in the case of Holmes, he is usually played in an eccentric detached way, and not someone who could simply be Alan from accounts.
The great news is Ace characters are emerging more and more in mainstream roles, but again they tend to be in shows that centre the LGBTQIA+ experience (such as Sex Education).
Pay attention to what you see in the media; do you see Ace people represented? And when they are, how are they portrayed?
And finally, Asexuality isn’t anything to do with romantic love
Again, it is only sexual attraction that Aces experience little or none of. There is not only one kind of love, and love doesn’t exist in a sexual vacuum. Many Ace folks experience happy and healthy romantic relationships, with people of all genders and sexualities.
Aromantic people (also known as Aros), are people who do not experience romantic love, and are an identity of their own (including grey-romantic and demi-romantic).
Some asexual people are also aromantic. Some aromantic people are also asexual. But one does not automatically equal the other.
Like I said earlier, I am a panromantic asexual, meaning I experience romantic attraction to people regardless of their gender, and still no sexual attraction.
Likewise, both asexual and aromantic people may also be cis, trans, non-binary or have a non-conforming gender presentation.
Because sexuality is not gender.
And that’s it!