The dreaded “F” word… Feedback
For my whole working life I have been in and around companies that have been focused on creating cultures of feedback. So focused in fact, that I wonder if they even remember why they were doing it in the first place!
I’ve often heard feedback referred to as a gift, which I believe is true. You can give it any time you feel the need, and yet, the other person does not have to accept it.
I‘ve also heard of businesses who like to reframe feedback, or prefer to use terms like “feed forward”. Now, if this is your jam, then you do you, but… my feeling on all this is it doesn’t matter what you call it – as long as you’re creating safe spaces for people to engage in meaningful dialog.
Spending time rebranding feedback or using pithy management speak won’t deliver you a culture of open and honest conversations. Psychological and emotional safety will. If you want more information on psychological safety and how to create it in your workplace, take a look at my article What is Psychological Safety?
Now, I know having potentially difficult conversations is no fun for anyone.
I know that having to be truly honest with someone about your opinion can be gut wrenchingly uncomfortable.
And, I know that finding time to prioritise the growth of others can be a real pain in rear.
But, I trust that you are a good ally and you want what is best for others. I trust that you are committed to building safe and confident teams. And, I trust that you want to leverage all the learning you can for those around you.
So, I know you have it in you offer your perspective in service of others, when it is required. I know you want to lead by example, with both the praise and the improvements.
And… I know you can do this.
What is feedback?
Put simply, gathering feedback is a way to understand how our behaviours, decisions and actions impact those around us. It is a way to recognise both our successes and our failures, and everything that falls in between. Because if the objective of feedback is to help us improve performance and live up to our potential, then we need to create environments where we can honestly and openly communicate with one another in the service of our collective growth. The trouble is, simply telling each other what we’re doing wrong, is not the same as helping each other to get things right!
The truth here is that when it comes to offering feedback, it really is only our opinion of what the other person is doing well or less well. When we’re asked to give feedback and be objective about it, we can do our best, but it will always be our opinion, from our perspective. So, in that regard, there’s nothing objective about it!
This doesn’t mean our opinion isn’t valuable to other person, but we must understand that it’s one perspective, it’s one version of the truth. Okay, so we can’t tell them where they stand objectively, but we can tell them where they stand with us. Then, in gathering feedback from multiple people or sources, they will be able to develop a more objective version of their performance.
And we mustn’t let our ego’s get in the way of their gathering – no matter how right we feel we are. It’s about them - remember!
And this cuts both ways too, when we receive the gift of feedback, it’s up to us how we want to use it. Accept it and use it for our growth, test it out by gathering more opinions, or reject it and carry on as we are. It’s our choice.
The learning zone
We’re often told that the key to learning is to get out of our comfort zone, but when we find ourselves being pushed too far out, and into our panic zone, our brains stop paying attention to anything other than surviving the experience (think fight, flight, freeze!). So, making sure that we are meeting our feedback in a place is either within our comfort zone, or at the least is only a little way into our stretch zone, is where we will find ourselves most open to explore solutions, get creative and feel able to embrace the perspectives of others.
So how do we give our opinions as feedback?
6 easy steps for sharing your perspective:
Explain your perception:
State the facts as they appear to you, using “I” statements such as “I saw”, “I heard”, “I noticed” etc.
Explain your emotions:
Help them understand what this perception does to you emotionally, again keeping to “I” statements like “I feel”… happy, disappointed, surprised, unsure etc.
Ask what they wanted to achieve:
Find out what they’re trying to achieve, because your desire should be to help them arrive at an outcome that is positive, clear, and meaningful. Ask them if they would be willing to think through the situation with you.
Don’t be afraid to empathise.
If they’re struggling, acknowledge how difficult or frustrating this must be for them.
Offer your support:
Let them know what you are able to do to help them, and ask for their permission to do so. Use “I” and “We” statements, such as “I would like to”, “Could we try”, “Can we find a way to” etc.
Express your confidence in them.
Let them know you believe in their ability to achieve, overcome, rearrange, or reconsider whatever the challenge is. Otherwise, what is the point of offering your perspective, right?!
TOP TIP!
It’s not just about WHAT you say either, so don’t overlook the importance of:
Content: What you say
Manner: The impact and how you say it
Timing: When you say it
Frequency: How often you provide and seek it
Okay, but what has allyship got to do with feedback?
No one wants to talk to a critic, no matter how “constructive” they are… But everyone wants to talk to an ally! Because allyship is active. Being an ally, you will be committed to “actively promoting and aspiring to advance the culture of inclusion through intentional, positive, and conscious efforts that benefit people as a whole” (Sheree Atcheson).
To read more about allyship, check out my article here or visit the Allyship in Action course pages at the bottom of this post.
Remember, you know yourself best…
What is motivating you to offer this feedback? Are you clear that it is only your perspective?
Good reasons to offer feedback:
Commitment to and concern for another
To guide or mentor
To support and enhance
It is within your position of responsibility
Reasons to rethink your feedback:
In defence or excuse of your own behaviour
To demoralize or condemn another
Being in a bad mood
To appease a third party
To make yourself seem superior or powerful
What’s your approach when it comes to feedback?
When was the last time you actively sought the opinions of others?
Looking for a safe space to start your own allyship journey?
Why not join my Autumn Allyship group coaching cohorts. Click below for more information: